Assertiveness means expressing what matters to you clearly and directly, while also respecting the other person. It is not about being forceful - it is about being clear.

Three modes to notice in yourself

In any given situation, you may find yourself in one of three modes: holding back (under-assertion), expressing clearly (assertiveness), or pushing too hard (over-assertion). The goal is to notice which mode you are in and choose how to respond deliberately.

Reflection prompt: In this situation, am I holding back, pushing too hard, or expressing clearly?

Clarity of needs and intent

Before speaking, it helps to be clear about what you actually need. Ask yourself: What do I want from this conversation? What is my bottom line? What am I willing to be flexible on?

Expressing disagreement

You are allowed to disagree. You are allowed to have preferences and limits. The responsibility is in how you express it - with clarity and respect, not with apology or aggression. A useful frame: acknowledge their position, then state yours clearly.

Setting limits

Limits are statements about what you will and will not do. State them calmly and specifically: "I can take this on, but not by Friday - I can have it by Monday."

These principles apply across all workplace conversations, regardless of situation or stakes.

Look beneath the surface

Strong reactions in others often reflect underlying concerns, pressures, or constraints - not just the surface issue. Before responding, pause and ask: What might be driving this for them?

Regulate your response

You do not need to respond immediately. A brief pause gives you space to choose your response rather than react. It is perfectly legitimate to say: "Let me think about this and come back to you."

Acknowledge before asserting

Showing that you understand the other person's position before making your own point significantly increases the likelihood that your point will be heard. Try: "I understand you are concerned about the timeline. Here is what I want to raise…"

Be specific

Vague feedback and vague requests are easy to dismiss. The more concrete and specific you are - about what happened, what you need, and what outcome you are looking for - the easier it is for the other person to respond.

Tension and resistance in conversations are normal. The goal is to stay in the conversation without losing your position or your composure.

Look beyond positions

What people say they want is often not the whole picture. Beneath positions are interests - the underlying concerns, priorities, or fears. When you understand those, you have more room to move.

Build enough trust to move forward

Progress in difficult conversations often depends on the other person feeling understood - not agreed with, just heard. Reflect back what you are hearing before making your case.

Name the dynamic

Sometimes it helps to name what is happening in the conversation itself. "I notice we keep coming back to the same sticking point - can we talk about what is making this difficult?"

Hold your position under pressure

When someone pushes back, the instinct is often to soften or capitulate. Practise acknowledging the pushback without retreating: "I hear that you see it differently. I still think…"

Leadership communication is not about rank - it is about how you help people understand a direction and feel motivated to move in it.

Lead with alignment, not instruction

People engage more readily when they can see why something matters to them. Frame your message in terms of shared interests, not just top-down rationale.

Understand what individuals care about

Different people are motivated by different things - security, growth, recognition, autonomy, relationships. The more specifically you can speak to what matters to the person in front of you, the more effective your communication will be.

Invite participation

People support what they help create. When possible, involve others in shaping the decision or direction, even partially.

Communicate through uncertainty

Good leaders communicate honestly when they do not have all the answers. Try: "I do not have a definitive answer yet. Here is what I do know, and here is what we are figuring out."

Making your contributions visible is not self-promotion in a negative sense - it is ensuring that the work you do is understood and attributed correctly.

Reframe visibility as responsibility

If your work is invisible, it cannot be built on, recognised, or rewarded. Making it visible serves others as well as you - it creates a shared record of progress and contribution.

Connect your work to outcomes

When describing what you have done, connect it to impact: not just what you delivered, but what it enabled or changed.

Use language that is direct, not hedged

Notice if you habitually soften claims about your own work. Hedging language makes your contributions harder to register. Practice stating them directly: "I led… I built… I designed…"

Effective presenting is not about performance or perfection. It is about clarity, structure, and connecting with your audience.

Start with the core message

Before preparing anything, ask: What is the one thing I want them to take away? Structure your content around that single point.

Shape a simple structure

A clear presentation has three elements: context (why this matters), content (what you found or decided), and close (what you are asking for or what comes next).

Frame for your audience

What does this audience care about? Orient your language and emphasis toward their perspective, not toward demonstrating everything you know.

Delivery principles

Slow down slightly - most people speak faster than they realise when presenting. Make eye contact with individuals, not the room in general. Pause after key points to let them land.

Microaggressions are often subtle, ambiguous, and difficult to name in the moment. You do not need certainty about intent to take what happened seriously.

Naming the situation without forcing certainty

You do not need to resolve whether something was intentional to decide how to respond. Focus on what was said or done, and how it landed for you.

Options for responding

You have choices: respond in the moment, address it afterwards in a private conversation, document it without acting immediately, or choose not to engage - all are valid depending on what feels safe and appropriate.

Responding in the moment

If you choose to respond immediately, brief and calm is more effective than lengthy or heated. Ask a clarifying question: "Can you say more about what you meant by that?"

Looking after yourself

Experiencing repeated microaggressions takes a toll, even when each individual incident seems minor. It is appropriate to seek support from trusted colleagues, a manager, HR, or external support if the pattern continues.

Impostor feelings can influence how you communicate - causing you to over-qualify, under-claim, or avoid visibility.

Recognise the pattern in communication

Signs that impostor feelings may be affecting how you communicate: adding qualifiers to your own contributions ("I might be wrong, but…"), attributing your successes to luck or others, avoiding opportunities to speak or present.

Separate feeling from evidence

Ask: What does the evidence actually show? Impostor feelings often persist despite evidence. The goal is not to eliminate the feeling, but to act on the evidence rather than the feeling.

Act first, feel ready later

Waiting until you feel fully confident often means waiting indefinitely. Practice doing the thing before you feel certain. The feeling of competence tends to follow action, not precede it.

Normalise the experience

Impostor feelings are extremely common across all levels of seniority and experience. They do not indicate that something is wrong, or that the feeling is accurate.

Negotiation happens any time you need to reach an agreement - about workload, timelines, flexibility, resources, recognition, or role scope.

Separate interests from positions

A position is what someone says they want. An interest is why they want it. Progress happens when you identify the interests beneath. Ask: What do I actually need here? What might the other person need?

Know your alternatives

Your negotiating position is stronger when you know what you will do if no agreement is reached. Knowing this reduces the pressure to accept terms that do not work for you.

Anchor deliberately

The first number or proposal put on the table tends to anchor the conversation. If you are asking for something, name your number first and make it specific.

Respond to pushback without retreating

Pushback is not the same as rejection. Acknowledge the concern, ask what would make it work, or hold your position calmly: "I understand the constraint - I still think this is the right ask."

Use silence

After making a request or offer, stop talking. Silence creates space for the other person to respond. Let them.